The Goldsmith cure

Money Magazine's Eric Schurenberg sat down with executive coach Marshall Goldsmith to find out how jerky execs can mend their ways.

How to make a tough meeting a win
Marshall Goldsmith: Well, the first thing is: Shut up and listen. Don't prove the other person is wrong. If you disagree, it's OK. You just say, "You believe X, I believe Y. We disagree." Don't get angry. Don't get emotional, don't personalize the dialogue. And focus on what you can change, not what you cannot change.Is the person your peer, your boss, whatever. If the person is your boss, just say, "Boss, you did X." The boss says, "I want you to do Y." Say, "OK, here's why I did X." You present your case, you try to sell. Your boss says, "I still want you to do Y. Let's talk about how to make Y work."If it's your peer, then you have to figure out, well, is this the battle I want to fight with my peer? Is it important, is it meaningful or not? If it's a big deal, you know what? Then fight the battle. If it's not a big deal, take a deep breath and let it go.Whatever happens, though, you go to that meeting...peace. And you try to walk out of that meeting just to achieve results. You don't turn the meeting into a contest about who's smarter or better than the other person.
How to avoid playing favorites
Marshall Goldsmith: Rank the order of your boss, your direct reports four ways:Number one: How much did they like me? Now you don't know how much they like you. What's important is - How much do you think they like you? You see, we all say we hate suck-ups. We hate obvious suck-ups. We hate blatant suck-ups. We like those good subtle suck-ups that don't look like suck-ups.Number two: How much are they like me? How much do they remind me of me? A different type of favoritism. A lot of engineers play favorites to people they don't like. "He's a jerk! He's an engineer. She's a great person, not an engineer."Number three: What's their contribution to the company and customers?And then number four: How much recognition do I give them? If we're honest with ourselves, in 15 to 20 percent of the cases, recognition is highly correlated with one or two than three, and we may be falling into a trap we despise in others, teaching other people to suck-up to us and playing favorites.
Say good-bye to Dr. No
Marshall Goldsmith: I love the stubborn, opinionated people of the world, and if we're stubborn and opinionated, a bad habit we have is beginning sentences with "No," "But" or "However."The first word out of your mouth is "No," you're wrong. "But" or "However" means disregard everything that came before this word.One of my client's problems was he was stubborn. I'm reviewing his feedback report. He says, "But Marshall..."I said, "That's free. If I ever talk to you again, you start a sentence with `"No," "But" or "However," I'm going to fine you $20.He said, "But Marshall..." 20. "No..." 40. "No, no, no..." 60, 80, 100.It's $420 in an hour and a half. At the end of an hour and a half, you know what he said? "Thank you."
On happiness
Marshall Goldsmith: I don't think I'm happier because I have more money. I think I'm happier because I'm happier.I'm a Buddhist. And my basic view...there are many schools of Buddhism. So when I say I'm a Buddhist, somebody could be listening to this and saying, "Well, I believe differently." Many Buddhists believe different things. My school of Buddhism is very simple:Be happy and content now. This is heaven, this is hell, this is nirvana. It's not outside, it's on the inside. And the way you find happiness and contentment is in here, not out there.The great Western disease is sweeping the world: "I'll be happy when..." When I get the car, when I get the BMW, when I get the condo, I'll be happy when.We've all got the same "When." When's an old person going to die? Be happy now!